HouseCraft 4 - Session 2 FINAL
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[00:01:02] Here's tip number one. You have to set proper [00:01:05] expectations. If you're going to take a 5, 6, 7, 8 year old and try to teach them to work [00:01:10] in your family, whatever you think it's going to take effort and cost [00:01:15] wise, multiply by 10. I would be fired from [00:01:20] any job of how long it's taken me to teach John Daniel to set the table [00:01:25] correctly the first time I ask him.
[00:01:26] It takes a lot. You know, [00:01:30] it's like half set and the Legos are out, like, it just, it just [00:01:35] takes time. Okay, so when you're thinking through this, do not be [00:01:40] discouraged when you see the fall come out in your kid. When you see this issue come out in your kid. [00:01:45] It's there, and you're getting the opportunity to help them work on it.
[00:01:49] You should [00:01:50] expect the fall to come out. You should expect temper tantrums to come out. [00:01:55] You should expect whining to come out. Those are all going to be a part of [00:02:00] this journey. So as you're wrestling with your kids working on this stuff, people [00:02:05] are like, why, why is my kid doing that? I'm like, cause they're a fallen individual.
[00:02:09] [00:02:10] Like, don't be surprised by it. Like it takes a lot of work to get these kids [00:02:15] up and running and where you want to get them going. All right. Welcome here. Tell us who you a [00:02:20] little bit about you. How's it going guys. Uh, my name is Nate. It's my wife, Kaitlin. And, uh, [00:02:25] part of, I think why we were asked to talk about being a family team is we both have, uh, [00:02:30] athletic background.
[00:02:30] So we've played sports our whole life. It was a huge part of our, of our process growing up. [00:02:35] Uh, we actually met in college as athletes. I was a baseball player. Kaitlin was playing volleyball. [00:02:40] We met through this organization called the fellowship of Christian athletes. And then, uh, has circled [00:02:45] back and it's kind of come full circle to where we're now both on staff, full time locally here in Northern Kentucky with, with [00:02:50] FCA, with Fellowship of Christian Athletes.
[00:02:51] Uh, and we just deeply believe [00:02:55] and have experienced over and over the power of a team and what that can bring. And [00:03:00] one of the tips that we had for you tonight is, is just that language matters. [00:03:05] That language matters because when we have. Common language [00:03:10] that'll create common alignment. And you think of it just as a football team, [00:03:15] all 11 guys, there's this gibberish that the quarterback calls out, it calls a play.
[00:03:19] [00:03:20] And those guys know that common language is that common alignment. And that's how they're able to get the ball further [00:03:25] down the field. And so we deeply believe in using. Language that is referring to [00:03:30] our family as a team. Uh, we're working on the slides here, but we actually made shirts [00:03:35] that have team Salih on it and we just went for it.
[00:03:37] So we, we own that as it was almost like a [00:03:40] family Jersey team Salih. And we talk a lot about how we are a team. You are a part [00:03:45] of this team. Uh, and even in marriage, uh, when things are might get a little, uh, [00:03:50] uh, intense on a conversation, or one of us is going through something hard and we're, we're feeling a lot of things [00:03:55] pretty quickly.
[00:03:56] We're saying, Hey, Hey. A minor team, a minor team, instead of going [00:04:00] back and forth with each other. Hey, whatever this issue is, let's throw the issue onto the [00:04:05] table and then as a team go at it together. Um, and so here's just a couple of examples. [00:04:10] There's, there's the shirts there. And then, uh, Kayla, you can talk about that little painting job you got there.
[00:04:13] What's going on? Yeah. So [00:04:15] we just say language matters because if they're hearing it over and over again, at least it's embedded in, in who they [00:04:20] are. And so even this picture is funny. We were renovating a property for our ministry and they were helping, [00:04:25] which is, you know, that's another part of kind of bring them into your world.
[00:04:27] We'll talk about that a little bit later. But, um, Uh, my [00:04:30] oldest wrote team silly on the wall and I just thought it was awesome. Like he embraces that he wants to walk in that [00:04:35] identity. Um, we care deeply. I'm a coach at heart. Like, I don't know if that's in the Bible as a spiritual gift, but I [00:04:40] think that's what, what he's given me.
[00:04:41] I want to coach. And so my, I feel like having a [00:04:45] team, you talked about that, that vision of not just being a servant leader, but being able to lead a group, [00:04:50] being able to coach a group as a team together, but then letting our kids know that they are on the team, that [00:04:55] they are, this is what a good teammate does.
[00:04:57] And that's the language we use.[00:05:00]
[00:05:02] Yeah. Alright, here's another one too. I feel like [00:05:05] I see this scenario like little Susie makes you a muffin or a cake, has like flour [00:05:10] all over the kitchen, and then you're like, Oh, this is the best I've ever had. Oh my [00:05:15] gosh. I was like, I just want to say you're lying and you're flattering [00:05:20] them and it's not helpful.
[00:05:21] Don't do that, okay? They don't need to be that [00:05:25] encouraged. So, I, I like to think, like, you could say something like, Oh, that was [00:05:30] so thoughtful. I appreciate you trying to show mommy some love with that. That's true. Okay? [00:05:35] And so, when you're training them, They, wherever they start, So, Thomas is now, We've [00:05:40] made the breakfast thing continue.
[00:05:41] The younger ones are now on the crucible. Thomas makes our eggs for [00:05:45] us in the morning. And so the first morning, or I mean, did it go well? No, were there [00:05:50] broken eggs? Yes, yes, whatever you, yes, it happened. Okay, it all happened. Okay. [00:05:55] But, and so what we're like, yeah, you're going to keep going and you're going to learn how to make good eggs.
[00:05:58] We've had the eggs where you can see the [00:06:00] pepper, it looks more black on it because the whole thing opened up. And it, you know, I'm, and I'm not saying this is good. [00:06:05] I'm not, it's terrible. Tom, it's too much pepper. We got to cut it back a tiny bit. Okay. You know, [00:06:10] so, but the vision is like, the vision is like, He's going to make, and he's in, [00:06:15] he's almost there, he's almost to the point where he can make really good eggs.
[00:06:19] And then when I [00:06:20] say, Thomas, these are outstanding eggs, it'll actually mean something, and he's going to feel good. [00:06:25] We were talking over here with Ryla, but he's actually going to feel good because it's not false encouragement. It's going to be [00:06:30] like, I did something good. It took me a journey, and I had to work towards it, and do [00:06:35] that.
[00:06:35] So like, when you're inviting kids in, don't lower your expectations so it's a total disaster. [00:06:40] Like, invite them in appropriately. Yes, there will be mistakes, and yes, all those things, [00:06:45] but train them to make it a good experience as you're going in that [00:06:50] direction.
[00:06:50] That's good. Uh, the next one is Winning as a team and [00:06:55] losing as a team. So I know when you look at the passages in scripture about the [00:07:00] body of Christ and how we all have different gifts and we're all different parts of the [00:07:05] body of Christ. I believe every one of our families also reflects that. And so.[00:07:10]
[00:07:10] Seeing our home as a mini picture of the body of Christ, [00:07:15] then every single person has a role on the team. And if one person wins, we [00:07:20] all win. And when one person suffers, we all suffers. And Galatians 6 talks about carrying one another's [00:07:25] burdens. So when things are really tough, We don't just get annoyed that somebody is having a really hard time.
[00:07:29] [00:07:30] We try to think, Hey, someone like, you know, dad's dad's had a hard week [00:07:35] or mom's really struggling right now. Or true. It just had this thing happen, whatever it [00:07:40] is. We try to be cognizant of that and try to compensate and accommodate. Hey, we have your back. Look, look [00:07:45] around the table. We're all for you. Uh, and so when we think about that, we, we, we try to celebrate [00:07:50] wins, which is really tough.
[00:07:51] Like you're saying, it's not going to go well, but Hey. [00:07:55] So and so just won their game, or they just got this amazing score on their test, or they just did this awesome thing, or they just [00:08:00] won Monopoly. Like celebrate them and feel like, [00:08:05] Hey, when any one of us win, that is a team win, that is a, a family when, and it's [00:08:10] difficult and you have to reinforce it over and over, but there's just something beautiful about winning as a [00:08:15] team and losing as a team, because it just fights against that individualistic mindset that can follow us [00:08:20] everywhere.
[00:08:20] And we're, you In team sports worlds, which can be difficult, but like as much as we can, [00:08:25] we try to make it a team thing. But, uh, the example we have here with the picture, uh, our, our [00:08:30] youngest Sonny is six years old now, and he was so excited to lose his first tooth. [00:08:35] He just couldn't wait. The thing was wiggling.
[00:08:36] He didn't want to rush it, but he was looking forward so much to the day where he's going to [00:08:40] lose his first tooth. And so we just had a moment here in the bathroom, flying through him. [00:08:45] But there were the front, yeah, they had the whole garage. The whole, the whole garage door was [00:08:50] open there on the front there.
[00:08:51] So, but he had the complete set. That's what it was. It was the final piece [00:08:55] of the complete set of this massive opening. You just throw a straw in the middle and we were just, we just documented [00:09:00] that. We were just so jacked for him. Did I really care that he lost his tooth? I knew it was going to happen, but like he was [00:09:05] excited.
[00:09:05] We were excited with him. Yeah. And that moment, like when we started making the slide, I was like. [00:09:10] I probably spent, this is real, I spent 30 minutes trying to find this picture. I was like, this [00:09:15] is the moment where we, we won together. Like I see my, the joy, you can barely see [00:09:20] it because Sunny's head's right here, but like my daughter who is highly competitive in her flesh.
[00:09:24] [00:09:25] Because I birthed her. And, um, but she was like, in that moment, she was just like, [00:09:30] I'm excited for sunny. And I just love that picture. We have to fight against that in our flesh of like, [00:09:35] I'm not an individual trying to win against my family. I'm a [00:09:40] member of a team trying to win together. And so man, it is most of the time we're talking about this.[00:09:45]
[00:09:45] It's in opposition to our kids flesh. Most of the time, it's [00:09:50] not. We're doing a great most of the time. We're having to fight and train and encourage that. This [00:09:55] is another moment. This is we want a tournament this year with my new. I was a new coach at a new school, and I just [00:10:00] love how, you know, he's holding the game ball.
[00:10:02] She's also wearing knee pads as if she played. She did it. [00:10:05] Um, and then Sonny's holding the trophy, and it was just like they were like, We won this. [00:10:10] Like we did this, like this is our thing as a family. And so we try to, man, the [00:10:15] celebrating is easy. It's hard when you're losing, um, but we try to do it both well together.
[00:10:19] [00:10:20] All right. This is one of the. I like to use the analogy of two paths. This is [00:10:25] us. We're at our, our, my dad's land. We were doing a landscaping project. And so how [00:10:30] I set these up, I do this all the time. I call this the two paths. I say, okay, kids, here's what [00:10:35] this today is going to look like. We're going to, we're going to.
[00:10:37] Put this fabric down. We're going to lay these rocks down. [00:10:40] Everyone's going to engage. We all work. Grandma and grandpa are going to have dessert at the end of the night. We're going to [00:10:45] play some games on the deck, and I would love for you to be a part of that. Enjoy that. That's path [00:10:50] option. One option.
[00:10:52] Number two is you don't work and you whine and you fight [00:10:55] all day and you will miss out on all of the evening activities. And I'm [00:11:00] clear as a day on that in the morning. Okay. That [00:11:05] really helps. And guess what? Jesus did this. All the time. Just read the Bible. Jesus is like, [00:11:10] if you go this path, here's the reward.
[00:11:12] If you go this way, here's the [00:11:15] consequence. So I love these parenting tips because they're not from a book other than the Bible. Uh, the [00:11:20] two paths is incredibly helpful. And I told that to John Daniel and Thomas on the ride here. I said, [00:11:25] there's going to be dessert at this event tonight. I would love for you to partake in that.
[00:11:29] If [00:11:30] you don't, if you do a good job and you step up to your game here tonight, you can enjoy that dessert. Your [00:11:35] kids need that motivation.
[00:11:37] They need that motivation to be like, what, what [00:11:40] story do I want to go? It's, you're giving them a gift of clarity [00:11:45] about how things will go for them on that day. And so the two paths is something that's [00:11:50] a lot of, it's a really great way to use that.
[00:11:53] All right, hit my next one because I'm following my [00:11:55] slides. Okay, uh, give kids a voice. So what this isn't is that our kids get a [00:12:00] vote. They don't get to make the decisions for our family. But I think when we look [00:12:05] at the, the lens of, you know, It's really important that they know if they're going to have some [00:12:10] responsibility that we're expecting of them, that they also have a voice.
[00:12:13] Um, that from an early age, we care about how [00:12:15] you feel. We care about what you're thinking. We care about how you see the world. And so for example, I think a big [00:12:20] one that's been recent for us is I took a step back from coaching for a year, felt the Lord kind of closing a chapter. [00:12:25] I was at Highlands for a long time and took a seat back and, uh, was just kind of doing home life, [00:12:30] ministry life, and, uh, it was really sweet for a year.
[00:12:32] And I got a call from the school that our kids [00:12:35] are in, uh, asking me to consider coaching for this team. And so most of the conversations between him and I [00:12:40] and the Lord and praying through that But at one point, we just sat down with the kids because for [00:12:45] me, I knew that they were going to feel the weight and the cost of that decision.
[00:12:49] And so I [00:12:50] wanted to bring them into the decision. And so we just sat down and said, Hey, how do you guys feel about this? And you know what [00:12:55] life is like for mom's coaching. We've done it for a long time and you know what life is like when I'm not. [00:13:00] Talk to me about how you're feeling. And they were like, you're going to coach again.
[00:13:03] We could get to a gym. There's [00:13:05] lots of balls like they were like, I mean, not that that made my decision, I guess right away, but it was [00:13:10] I was able to kind of feel like take the temperature and go, man, they're excited about this, [00:13:15] which means they're going to lean into this and they're going to be on board.
[00:13:17] And so it kind of give us an understanding of where we were [00:13:20] starting. Is there anything else you want to add on that? Yeah, I just, uh, one of the [00:13:25] first ministry conferences ever went to this guy named Richard Ross talked about, um, Having, uh, he had a [00:13:30] big, wide PVC pipe that he held against his own heart.
[00:13:34] And he talked [00:13:35] about how he desperately wanted to make sure and maintain a heart connection [00:13:40] with his wife, but also with his kids. And so this, I have that picture just embedded in my brain of like, I [00:13:45] want each and every kid to be locked in and that other side of the PVC pipe that our hearts have, uh, [00:13:50] heartstrings connected and that they have the ability and the freedom to speak what is on their heart.[00:13:55]
[00:13:55] Again, so we're not letting them make decisions and let them drive the direction. But we want to say, Hey, [00:14:00] we do value what is going on in your mind and heart. We want to hear you out. And we will consider [00:14:05] that again as a team, as we move forward. And I just, I just feel like that was, um, um, [00:14:10] that's one way we can do that.
[00:14:11] Yeah.
[00:14:12] Uh, one thing I love to do is. Do [00:14:15] the one kid at a time principle, like, especially if I'm going somewhere on a project. Uh, [00:14:20] especially with my younger ones, so I'll give you the scenario that happens often. The kids are [00:14:25] outside, which is, the younger ones are outside playing. I need to run to Lowe's to grab something.[00:14:30]
[00:14:30] They're in playing a game with their friends, and I say, Hey, why don't you come to [00:14:35] Lowe's with me? And, and this time I don't give them a choice. [00:14:40] I'm always like, I w you're coming to Lowe's with me. Let's get going. And, and like, and I [00:14:45] think you have to walk through that fear of rejection, you know, cause [00:14:50] John Daniels and like notorious, like.
[00:14:52] You know, does one of these, you know, you know, and [00:14:55] like we'll pout all the way to the car And then once we get in the car, he's totally fine You know He wakes up because [00:15:00] but but I like to take one kid at a time and I feel like that Inconvenience of taking them away [00:15:05] from their play to spend time going to the work with me is more valuable Than [00:15:10] the reaction I get from the kid.
[00:15:11] Is that making sense? I think sometimes as parents we get shut [00:15:15] down by by our kids rejection. I'm like, no, no, no, no. God gave you that [00:15:20] job to be with them. Like, don't get shut down by that. Bring them with you one at a [00:15:25] time and don't give them the choice and don't feel pressure to make it so much fun that [00:15:30] you have to compete against the fun they're having in the neighborhood.
[00:15:33] Uh, and so as you're [00:15:35] thinking about that, I found that very helpful to drag one kid with you. If you're going wherever you're [00:15:40] going, bring one kid with you can be a great. Great technique to spend time with them and work through [00:15:45] that.
[00:15:45] So for us, inviting people into our home has become a rhythm that [00:15:50] has, we've seen a ton of fruit in our own kids lives. They are stepping more fully [00:15:55] into their role and how they can bless other people. We're giving them a voice in that way [00:16:00] too. So these two girls stayed with us. She stayed with us long term for a semester.
[00:16:04] She stayed with us for [00:16:05] just a few weekends going through a hard season. And it's been really powerful to [00:16:10] watch. How God uses our kids to help heal hurting hearts [00:16:15] in ways that I mean, I can sit and pray with you and cry with you on a couch and I think God uses that. But [00:16:20] man, when you're a six year old that just snugly snuggles up to this person who's at a [00:16:25] hurting season, we've seen that just do really cool work and it gives our kids a role.[00:16:30]
[00:16:30] They're not saying, we're not saying you're not welcome here. This is an adult thing. We're [00:16:35] saying, no, these people are here and we are called to love on them. And so that's been something that's really special. And then just [00:16:40] through ministry, we're in collegiate ministry. And so it's such a fun season. If, if you're [00:16:45] not involved in some college kid's life, go find one.
[00:16:47] They need help. All of them do. [00:16:50] Um, they are on the precipice of every major decision that will impact the [00:16:55] rest of their life. They need a hand and so what we have found is a lot of [00:17:00] these kids who have come to faith in college don't come from a rooted Christian home or family. They [00:17:05] do not know what it looks like to be on a Christian team.
[00:17:07] They do not know what it looks like to walk with a Christian [00:17:10] partner. They do not know what parenting in the kingdom of God looks like and [00:17:15] so just inviting people into our home That's a really broad tip, but that's something that has [00:17:20] allowed our kids to be engaged in that process. Uh, and just, just [00:17:25] practically on that too, like, we've had, uh, our daughter make name tags for the place settings [00:17:30] before if we're having people over.
[00:17:31] Sonny and true can be on the welcome team. They're at the door with smiles on their face. [00:17:35] Hey, go ahead and take your shoes off here. Here's what the bathroom is. And they're like, we are, it's not just [00:17:40] mom and dad hosting people. Like we are hosting, uh, this event. And one other just [00:17:45] humbling statement I've heard over the years of ministry.
[00:17:47] One of the first guys I deeply mentored [00:17:50] with FCA, he was a baseball guy. His name was Nate too. It was really weird. We're like the same person, but like 10 years [00:17:55] later, um, he said, Nate, This was after he graduated. He said, Nate, I've heard you [00:18:00] probably share about 90 to a hundred messages over my career, but [00:18:05] I'll tell you what has meant the most to me is being able to watch you and Caitlin navigate [00:18:10] your marriage together and being over at your house and seeing how you all parent.
[00:18:13] And you gave me a [00:18:15] picture. Of a family to, to, I had no model and you're not perfect, but [00:18:20] you gave me a faithful model and I'll never, never, you know, regret seeing that. And that [00:18:25] meant more than all the content you gave me. And I'm like, dude, I thought I was pretty good. Give me that. No, but just the power of [00:18:30] just letting them see, you have no idea.
[00:18:32] With the impact that can have of giving somebody [00:18:35] a real life real time picture. Yeah. I love that That's we [00:18:40] underestimate the power of having a dinner with a family, right? Like we think i've had the [00:18:45] same thing said to me like I thought that teaching was what it was like No, no. Yeah, it's beautiful All right [00:18:50] tip number nine.
[00:18:50] This is a book recommendation. I'm so worried This is out of print when I look this thing up But [00:18:55] created for work. I read this with my boys. I did it when Henry was eight years old and [00:19:00] then I redid it just with Thomas and John Daniel. We just read it again. It's just a fantastic [00:19:05] nighttime. When they're in bed, I read a chapter and it just talks about work and the value of it [00:19:10] and all of those kinds of things.
[00:19:10] That's a real simple one. You want to talk about celebrating on this one? Okay. [00:19:15] Yeah. I have a bonus tip. Um, one really great thing about working [00:19:20] together is that it gives you an opportunity to celebrate together. And for some families, that's [00:19:25] easy. And some families kind of have to work at it. We all know that it's really important.
[00:19:29] [00:19:30] So, um, Um, and a lot of these big jobs that Justin's done [00:19:35] with, uh, the kids and his crew, they'll work really, really hard. [00:19:40] And then he takes this really awesome picture of them all dirty at the end. And then they go out to ice cream [00:19:45] and that's happened many times and they all remember this. And it makes for great stories [00:19:50] and pictures.
[00:19:51] Um, for me, the most memorable [00:19:55] celebration, that we did as a family, really right at the beginning of our, um, [00:20:00] journey. And creating a kind of a family team. Uh, we were doing, uh, [00:20:05] foster care at the time and we had our first child. The child went, went to, [00:20:10] uh, live with some family friends, uh, his family friends, not ours, and, um, [00:20:15] it was really sad, you know, it was our first time.
[00:20:17] And, uh, [00:20:20] we were pretty bummed out, but Justin was like, we need to celebrate this. We need to remember this. And so then [00:20:25] we went out for ice cream afterwards and then we just shared stories. about how, [00:20:30] you know, Henry read the, you know, made him laugh for the first time. And, you know, this child would [00:20:35] feed him his bottles, you know, all these different things.
[00:20:37] And we shared our, our, our, [00:20:40] uh, our memories together. And it was, it was such an awesome, it [00:20:45] was like one of my favorite memories, uh, as us, as a team, just being able to kind of [00:20:50] celebrate and remember and reflect. And it was just, It was super meaningful for me that changed [00:20:55] everything for me and, uh, that experience and really, um, [00:21:00] kind of sold me on this idea.
[00:21:02] Okay. Our last tip is just playing the [00:21:05] long game. So really God's faithfulness and, um, the faithfulness of my [00:21:10] grandparents, their parents, even we found this was like, what, three years ago, we found a [00:21:15] letter from my great grandfather's father to him. I [00:21:20] treasured this thing. And in it he said, this is how you lead your family to the Lord.
[00:21:24] [00:21:25] And he listed out daily rhythm. I mean, it was like, what do we just find? [00:21:30] What a treasure that I, I got, God just gave me this family. I didn't earn [00:21:35] it. And so we're thankful for that. Um, maybe there are some of you in here who have a similar experience where you have a [00:21:40] long game family already. You have your parents and grandparents living, um, close to you [00:21:45] or walking closely with the Lord and it's multi generational living is playing out.
[00:21:49] And perhaps [00:21:50] that's not your story. Um, but I just want to encourage you for us just to continue to have that vision [00:21:55] of playing the long game. Um, so this is a picture of my dad just blessing his grandkids last [00:22:00] two Shabbats ago, um, at my brother's house. And we just gather a lot. And my dad, that's not something [00:22:05] he grew up thinking he would do.
[00:22:06] That's not something he was, it was all very weird to him 10 years [00:22:10] ago. And through a steady, just like you said, with your dad's small steps in an incl in a [00:22:15] direction and a trajectory toward, um, giving him room to lead. And encouraging that in [00:22:20] him, seeing the God in him and saying, Hey, share this with your grandkids.
[00:22:23] He's now doing that really [00:22:25] well on his own. And so we just look around this picture. This one is turning 16 this [00:22:30] summer. She's my niece, my oldest, the oldest grandchild, and we just celebrated her 16th with the [00:22:35] family. And my brother looked around and said, Hey, Everett, look at every person in this room.
[00:22:39] Look [00:22:40] at every person from Sonny who's six to Mimi, who's 92, [00:22:45] her great grandmother. Every single person is on your team. And we are so for you [00:22:50] and you know, he just went on and on about the support she had just recognizing that our team is a family [00:22:55] immediately is really special and we have more control over that.
[00:22:58] But as you grow, maybe you're [00:23:00] the first in your family, but think about what your grandchildren will get to say about their grandparents. [00:23:05] Think about that. Man, what a sweet picture of building a bigger team that can go further [00:23:10] and be better together. You want to talk about some specifics on that? Yeah, [00:23:15] just a couple of more of the pictures here.
[00:23:16] So we have, um, this is Caitlin's dad. We're, [00:23:20] we're trying, we're right in process here. We're trying not to sell our souls. To the [00:23:25] whole team sports world and also still like, you know, do stuff that they love. So we're, we created an [00:23:30] FCA baseball team and we made sure that, uh, grandpa was a part of that too.
[00:23:34] So this is him praying [00:23:35] for the baseball team after practice. And then this is all of us together at one of Caitlin's, [00:23:40] uh, games. It was their pink out night for like a cancer awareness deal. Um, and part of the, [00:23:45] part of the volleyball process too, is like Evie is on the bench. With Caitlin as a junior [00:23:50] manager, she doesn't, she doesn't do a whole lot, but she's so good at a lot of ed and she's like in it with the girls and all that, but, [00:23:55] um, just trying to show our kids the long game we've [00:24:00] already been blessed with.
[00:24:01] And if you, if you're the Abraham and Sarah, like it is worth it. Like, [00:24:05] please late plant those seeds and lay that foundation for future generations, because we're seeing the [00:24:10] benefit of that. And we even have like Bibles on our mantle in the, in the dining room of [00:24:15] my grandmother's. Uh, uncle had this Bible and then here's the Bible that [00:24:20] my dad gave.
[00:24:20] And then here's the Bible that I'm reading through. I'm taking notes on. I'm going to get to true it. I just try to give them [00:24:25] like anything you can to like, show them the long vision and, [00:24:30] um, something I've been just processing too, is like going really deep with a few [00:24:35] disciples. And for a lot of us in here, it's going to start with our kids.
[00:24:38] Obviously, uh, the impact [00:24:40] that that can have, if you, uh, go even go beyond inviting others. And if you do [00:24:45] disciple two people a year for 50 years, but every time you do that, [00:24:50] those two people can make disciples themselves. So two people a year for 50 years, that's a hundred [00:24:55] disciples who can make a hundred disciples.
[00:24:58] And then by that third generation, [00:25:00] The math adds up to that's a million people. And so trust the long [00:25:05] game. You're not going to see it immediately. Just like you're saying, it's gonna be 10 times harder. It's going to cost you more. You're going to be like, Oh my [00:25:10] gosh, I'd rather just go the easy route over and over and over.
[00:25:12] And I've, I've been there myself, but [00:25:15] to, uh, to stay the course and have the big enough vision to, to, uh, Continue to give you the [00:25:20] endurance to get through the hard how's that life we're going to throw at you because the enemy is not very [00:25:25] interested in any of us going this direction. Uh, so we need to be prayerful.
[00:25:29] We need to have support [00:25:30] around us. We need the other people, uh, backing us up and saying, Hey, this is worth it. Remember, remember, this [00:25:35] is worth it. Here's the long game. Sweet. Thank you. I love that. Our, our way of life is [00:25:40] very different, but the principles are transcending between our two families. That's really sweet.
[00:25:43] All right. [00:25:45] Questions.
[00:25:46] We did that good of a job. We just nailed it. It's going to be so [00:25:50] much bigger. Yes. Could you elaborate on the building of the cabin with your [00:25:55] dad? Like what, what shifted or how? I have trouble, trouble, like, in every aspect [00:26:00] leading up. And I want my parents to be as How did he, how did [00:26:05] he get to that? Yeah, so that, this is a whole nother teaching.
[00:26:08] In fact, I'm doing it on Sunday night. If you're [00:26:10] interested, you can come to it, where it's, there's a principle in the Bible that is called honor [00:26:15] your mother and father. And we have watered that down and we are blaming, like the [00:26:20] Christian culture we are in is blame your parents for everything because they didn't affirm you enough.
[00:26:24] [00:26:25] And you have all, and then we have all this information about parenting. And so we've, we've gotten [00:26:30] that whole paradigm backwards. So 15, 10 years ago, when we started this whole thing, we were just like, [00:26:35] We, the Bible is super simple and clear. Just honor [00:26:40] your parents. That's all we did. We didn't try to change them.
[00:26:43] We didn't try to do any of [00:26:45] this. We just honored them and God started opening the doors. And so [00:26:50] that's a simple answer to that. Uh, simply put, like we would have them run out to the [00:26:55] car to see grandma and grandpa. We train them to welcome. These are the heroes in our [00:27:00] family. You, this is how we treat them.
[00:27:02] Uh, and it started with little things like that. [00:27:05] Yes. Yeah, I think, I like to put it in two categories. Like, when [00:27:10] our kids, when Thomas is cooking eggs, that's just his ticket to dinner that night. And so [00:27:15] you do, you have a certain set of jobs that are just basic contributions to the household, [00:27:20] and the reward is to sit at the table and eat dinner. And, you want to have [00:27:25] some bigger, harder, challenging more jobs that have the rewards and consequences [00:27:30] with it.
[00:27:30] Uh, and so, anytime our kids do something that's [00:27:35] outside of the normal box, then, uh, if they can get the opportunity to get paid for [00:27:40] it, then I think that's good. So you have your baseline things, like if she wants to [00:27:45] go on a trip, or she wants a bike, or whatever she wants, don't just give it to her. Say, you've got [00:27:50] to earn it, and here's how we want you to see you do it.
[00:27:52] Something along those lines. I think we're, [00:27:55] we just expect people to be good, and the Bible says we're not good. So we [00:28:00] need that. The two pictures that two paths things like here's a pathway. If you do what I want you to do, [00:28:05] here's the reward. And if you don't, here's the consequences. And that's changed as our [00:28:10] kids have gotten older, but the principle still applies.
[00:28:13] So like Henry started earning [00:28:15] money at jobs, and then he was able to do things and that internal reward really started to [00:28:20] motivate him in a good way. If you guys want to add to any of these, yes, [00:28:25] please take that mic. At our 10 year old level, for our oldest, for example, we have some house [00:28:30] help jobs on, on Sundays that we do, and he has, there's trash, [00:28:35] there's a bathroom, and kind of his room is just like, that's what, that's just, [00:28:40] To be, have the house.
[00:28:41] That's to have your bedroom. But you know, I don't think we have it to say that. [00:28:45] Uh, it was, uh, I'm going to start saying it. Yeah. I, we're, we're inspired. Like if you want to eat [00:28:50] tonight, you're going to, um, yeah, I love it. I'm here. Uh, but we, uh, we wanted to add [00:28:55] another like opportunity for him. So if he does his laundry from start to finish, cause he's, we've, we've [00:29:00] showed him how to do it.
[00:29:00] So it's optional. If he wants to put it in the washer, put it in the dryer, take it [00:29:05] out, fold it, put it away. We give him, uh, an allotment financially for that. So that's kind of [00:29:10] that. And plus there's, it's optional. It's not optional just to, from a, [00:29:15] from a literal standpoint, he has to do the laundry, but if he does it in a timely manner by [00:29:20] Sunday, then he gets paid.
[00:29:21] Right. He still has to do the laundry either way. And he's going to be more stressed about it. He's not going to [00:29:25] get any reward. So. Forgot that minor detail. Yeah. By Sunday night, that's when he [00:29:30] gets paid. Monday, he's just not gonna have clothes if you didn't do it. So yeah, it's an issue. Yeah. [00:29:35] And Jeremy's got a whole video on that.
[00:29:36] Yeah. I stole the marbles from y'all. I don't know if you're still believing in [00:29:40] that system or if you back that, I don't want to speak about it if you don't. Um, but we have done the marble system, [00:29:45] which essentially is just like, we're rewarding really good behavior. Um, and we can also take it [00:29:50] away. And when they're little, it works really well.
[00:29:52] We are beginning to see that transition where it's working less well. [00:29:55] Um, and so that's been a really interesting season for us of having to navigate that. Um, but. It's been [00:30:00] what is always good is now when I see a kid go above and beyond when I'm not [00:30:05] asking them to do something and I'm seeing them just learning, Oh, I saw a need and I met it.[00:30:10]
[00:30:10] Uh, yeah, I'm going to reward that every time, right? I'm going to make sure I'm really quick [00:30:15] to engage with that. And if they get 10 marbles, they get a Dollar Tree visit. [00:30:20] If they get 50, we're going to Dave and Buster's or Chuck E. Cheese. So that's kind of like the six year old [00:30:25] currency is like totally that and it's working.
[00:30:26] So you'd have to customize that for your kid. But I think it [00:30:30] was the, the three, it was like a, uh, an incentive, a training and a correction. Was that kind of the three [00:30:35] pieces to marble system a little bit. So, uh, try to incorporate all those too. And we, we don't [00:30:40] want to ask kids to do stuff that we haven't, Showing them to do it and we're gonna have to do it multiple times [00:30:45] and and finding out that way too.
[00:30:47] But uh, yeah, it's it's difficult road. [00:30:50] Yep. Anything else? Um, I'd love to hear more about the letter to [00:30:55] Sharon. Some of the letter. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, [00:31:00] essentially he said, I mean, it was really simple. Um, but he just said, you need to worship [00:31:05] every day in your home together. You need to read God's word every day and you need to pray every day as [00:31:10] a family. He's essentially saying you need to do church.
[00:31:12] You need to do church as a family. You don't need to outsource [00:31:15] that, which I don't know what year that would have been written. But it wasn't in the 1900s. [00:31:20] And, uh, that it blew, it blew my mind that he was so deeply rooted [00:31:25] in God's word that he understood that it wasn't a cultural thing. Um, it was a Holy Spirit thing.[00:31:30]
[00:31:30] And, um, my grandparents are faithful. They probably didn't model their life after [00:31:35] that really well. Um, but they have since kind of repented from those [00:31:40] types of patterns that they followed into the world. And then my, my Brother and I, our generation, have learned [00:31:45] from those mistakes and have then corrected and then defined that letter to see the roots where that came [00:31:50] from.
[00:31:50] It just like, there wasn't a dry eye in that room that night. And my [00:31:55] grandma, who was 88 at the time. Read it to us. [00:32:00] So yeah. Yeah, that was a, that was a wild evening. I know there's [00:32:05] stats out there. Like if you pray with your spouse every day, the divorce [00:32:10] rates like one and like 1, 500 something like that too.
[00:32:12] So that was like, it just continues to [00:32:15] be show like, Hey, that's a really good idea. If you do those three things consistently as a family, uh, and that's [00:32:20] something that as far as giving our kids a voice, something we didn't mention earlier, like I'll, I'll, I'll try to challenge our [00:32:25] kids out of their comfort zone to pray at dinner.
[00:32:27] So like, it's not just going to be mom and dad every time [00:32:30] praying for the dinner. Well, we've even had our son, a six year old taking swings at it. And then he's turned us down a [00:32:35] bunch, but then he started to say yes more. And then, uh, even with the baseball team we're having, it's not just the coaches praying like, [00:32:40] Hey, who's up, who wants to pray and they're going to fumble through it, but it was just trying to give them [00:32:45] reps on, Hey, you matter.
[00:32:47] It's not too late. Like if you, uh, you can, [00:32:50] you can add value in this environment.
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