[00:00:00] Mark Tiderman: the best part is God's building you as you build the family team. So, This might not be as efficient as you want it to be. And it might not be as effective as you want it to be.
[00:00:12] But the end goal is probably not what you're thinking. God at work, way behind the scenes building multi generational family teams on missions talking a little bit more practically about how to maybe kind of put in to practice some of these, more family teams type of mentality. So Mark laid a really great found foundation, um, and groundwork for what a family team is. And now we're going to get some examples of what that's looked like for, uh, the Teiterman family and the Krutoff family.
[00:01:23] Brent Kruithof: so we're gonna jump into the top 10 tips. At the end, we will have some q and a. I'm going to hand, uh, the wife to Katie who's going to start us off hand. The wife, what did I say?
[00:01:37] Katie Kruithof: The wife. Your wife.
[00:01:39] She's my wife. Yeah. I'm Katie. You've already met Brent. We're really happy to be tag teaming this with the Teitermanns. We absolutely adore them and their family. I'm really sad I missed their first talk because we have sick kids at home. But if I start to repeat anything just, I'll like, give me a really terrible look on your face or something and I'll stop my train of thought.
[00:01:57] It'll make more sense when you say it. Okay, fair enough. Okay, so this is our family. We have four kids who are 11, 9, 6 7 and 4. And just a little background with our kind of exposure to the family teams thing. Um, we were actually first introduced to the idea of family teams really early on, like when I was still pregnant with my firstborn.
[00:02:20] And I'm not joking when I say it completely changed the way we thought about family and hugely impacted how we did everything. And so we got to this point, um, after of applying some of these principles. We actually did have a really close knit family team. And Brent and I started asking each other, okay, so we have this strong family team, but like, but why, what's, what's the whole point of this?
[00:02:48] And I think the piece that we were missing for a really long time is that a strong family team is not actually the end goal. It is a tool for kingdom impact. The point isn't to have this amazing family team that loves being together and you guys go and live in a happy little bubble far away from cultures influence.
[00:03:10] Like, that's not the point. The goal is to use our time at home to really speak, um, identity over our kids and really strengthen those feelings family bonds and unify under this set of shared beliefs so that we can go out and be a light in the world. So the truth is that a strong family team really does stand out and invite questions in this day and age.
[00:03:39] I love this quote, how we live together may be the greatest sermon we ever preach. Um, When people can look at your family and say, that's a different kind of family. They don't work or act or talk like any other family I know. What they're saying, they're recognizing the supernatural in us really. And it's so important.
[00:04:02] Such a great opportunity for evangelism. So, um, Britt, do you have anything to add about families, evangelism, mission? Yeah,
[00:04:10] Brent Kruithof: yes. Uh, so that's great. I think the, the, really the only thing I would reiterate is like we, we got to this point where it was like, man, our marriage is really healthy right now. Our kids are getting along.
[00:04:20] Like it was like things were coming together, but we did feel like we were missing something. We felt like we were missing that impact piece. Like we were strong internally, but now we needed to know that next step to go out and make a difference. And really that's where. 1KH became part of our life is it was through that, um, we, we got connected to 1KH and it gave us the opportunity to have that impact.
[00:04:41] It taught us how to, um, to be missional and how to, um, disciple others and how to be in community. And so, um, yeah, that's what brings us here today.
[00:04:51] Michelle Tiderman: alright, tip number two is titled, um, On Purpose With Purpose. Oh, sorry.
[00:04:58] Background: If you keep it, I'll keep this.
[00:05:01] Michelle Tiderman: And this is our team. We have four kids ages 17, 14, 12, and 8. And um, this is us at the beach with our Opedo family beach shirts, which is my family. So I loved this just because it, um, We're, we're showing our family identity from the generations before us here.
[00:05:21] Um, but this on purpose with purpose is something we came up with that we say often to remind ourselves that God designed our family and put each one of us on this team on purpose and with purpose. And this helps so much in the times that it's really tempting to see each other's weaknesses or annoyances or, um, downfalls.
[00:05:41] And we come back to this, Hey, we are all, purposely put on this team and we each have purpose on the team and so something that we try to do is um to Recognize and call out each other's strengths and giftings and the way that they're an asset to our team often So like a coach would do a scouting report and he knows his players and he knows What they're good at and where their weakness are and where they fit best on the team We try to study our kids in that way Kind of like a scouting report, um, and we repeat these things to them where we see them being an asset to the team and an image bearer of God to the world.
[00:06:18] So, specifically on birthdays, we try to really have everyone speak life over them, but we try to incorporate it in our lives regularly to say that they are an asset and a reflection. And there's a verse in Psalm 127, it says, Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him, like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth.
[00:06:41] Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. And I remember hearing Jeremy talk about this verse and saying, um, this was a collision point because we hear blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them, but. Most people would say tired is the man, financially strapped is the man, exhausted is the man, annoyed is the man, right?
[00:07:00] So these are the things that are just very easy to feel in everyday life when you have a lot happening in your family. And so, the encouragement is when we hear things. In scripture, in God's word, that, um, conflict with what we feel and see in our lives, it should drive us more towards, where do I need to adjust my heart to come around God's truth?
[00:07:21] How can God change how I'm seeing things to be in line with this? Because my feelings aren't truth, thankfully, um, but God's word is. So the, the whole on purpose and with purpose really puts us back to, um, Each one of the kids in this family, each person on our team, is a blessing and is a reward and we want to shift our viewpoint to see it that way.
[00:07:40] Mark Tiderman: So last, like, I think a year ago, I was, uh, watching, we were on a flight, and I was watching two back to back movies and I felt, sometimes I have these encounters with God in the air, and I felt God say, like, I'm gonna teach you about your family team and what you're doing. And the first movie that pops on is Ocean's Eleven.
[00:07:59] And it was like, all about this incredible team that they could not pull off this epic heist. Now they are robbing a hotel and so I was like, okay. But uh, it's basically this incredible story where each one is so important. But then the second movie, That I felt like God told me to watch was Jason Bourne with the Bourne Supremacy.
[00:08:20] And it was, so I say this because you're going to see certain things that you can spot right away. That's a skill. That's a strength. But in Jason, in the Bourne Supremacy, he, the whole movie, he actually has to discover what's already been put there. He has to discover the identity that God or has already been bestowed there.
[00:08:38] So I think for us, a lot of it is like realizing like, We need to come in with more curiosity as we look at our kids. How is this, how is Selah, our daughter, going to, going to use this voice that the Lord, this boldness and like praying into it and almost partnering with God to like bring it to come to life.
[00:08:55] And I think stories are really important for that. And like the wing feather saga. I love that. So it's all about these like individual roles and each one plays a role. And so just being able to speak that into each of your kids is so important.
[00:09:07] Brent Kruithof: Uh, so tip number three is to create a culture. And I think it's good to hear to just kind of reiterate just what the problem is and how our definition of family has been hijacked by culture. And so, uh, like Mark explained, so often Kids are viewed as, as a liability now, rather than an asset, and, and there's a whole bunch of families, now just a whole bunch of individuals doing their own things, pursuing their own goals, and then eventually they fly the nest, and we're empty nesters, and we can go retire.
[00:09:38] Um, and so in order to kind of get back to the ancient path, we have to kind of be counter cultural right now. Um, and so this is actually a pretty fun thing. Creating the culture in your household is something that's, that's really, uh, a fun way to, uh, personalize your household's, household's identity, your family, uh, DNA.
[00:10:00] And, um, so, for us, we ask, what does it mean to be part of Team Krutof? Each person Each couple in here is going to have some same elements if you're a follower of Jesus and then you're going to have a lot of different things and it's really fun to be able to think through how is our household culture going to be unique because the goal is we want our kids to really buy in we want them to feel like they are a part of this family not just now as their kids but we want When they're older and for the next generation, we want that to be bought in, into their DNA.
[00:10:34] So there's a few tools, um, that are really helpful for creating that culture in your home. Um, I think the first and foremost is having a mission statement. Um, this is, was really, really helpful for us was creating a mission statement for our family. Um, and a mission statement kind of tells you who you are as a family and what you do.
[00:10:54] Like how, how do we, if we're a team, how do we define who we are? if we score or if we're winning. Um, so our family mission statement, there's a lot of parts to it. One of them is we are a loving united family team. We speak that over our kids. That's, that's our, our identity is we are a loving united family team.
[00:11:10] And, um, then our, our, our win, how we know we're scoring is, um, That's what the mission statement is all about, which is to make Earth more like Heaven, or as it says in the Lord's Prayer, Your kingdom come, your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. So, um, so that's something that's really crucial for our kids to know.
[00:11:29] Hey, when we are doing kingdom work, That's, that's our mission. That's why we're here. Uh, another tool that we have is using team language. Um, that can be just as simple as encouraging each other, supporting each other in, um, or celebrating each other's wins. It can also be creating, this is, again, where you can have some fun and creativity, creating Krutophisms is what we call them.
[00:11:49] It's phrases that are repeated throughout our house. Um, we have some like, you know, we, love others, or we do hard things. Um, there's also things that on the do not say list. In our family, you don't say, I'm bored. That's just, if you're in our house, you have to be creative and find something to do. And so, um, having, having language that is part of your team vernacular is a cool tool.
[00:12:11] Uh, another one is rhythms, daily, weekly, or annual rhythms. Um, these can be really, um, great to play with. I know you guys are going to touch on this next, so I won't get too, too much into the rhythms. Um, and then last tool that I have is Um, putting reminders on our home, um, the physical space of our home, where we, you know, what we hang on our walls, how our furniture is laid out, um, all of that can be used to form the culture of your family.
[00:12:39] Um, so we really take advantage of this through, um, Deuteronomy 6. Which says, um, These commands that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. And so we were like, okay, let's, let's think about that. We want these, these commands that we give to our kids to be impressed on them, and we want them on our door frames of our houses, our walls, our gates.
[00:12:59] Like, so, up here is some um, All this is custom artwork that Katie created. We have our family mission statement on the wall in our entryway. So it's the first thing you see, uh, in our family room. Katie created some artwork that says listen and obey, which is a reminder for our kids. It's also a reminder for us as adults that we're called to listen and obey our heavenly father.
[00:13:17] Um, be the nice kid is something we have in our homeschool room as well as our learning manifesto. And then we've got these pillars, um, family pillars. All of these are things that We want our kids to pass by every day and to remember, um, the culture of our home. And then real quick, as you are thinking through your culture, you want to have a culture that's worth celebrating.
[00:13:36] You want this to be something that your kids enjoy, something that they are going to be bought into for generations, something that's warm and inviting. Um, so, you know, whether that's, um, you know, filling your house with good smells or, um, good music, dance, having dance parties in the kitchen or, um, inviting family over for Sunday meals after church, or Every Sunday after church, we, my dad would want to wrestle in our underwear.
[00:13:59] It was weird, but it was part of our culture. It was like part of the family DNA. I was like, all right, you know, so it's still something. No, I said
[00:14:11] Katie Kruithof: it to our kids today.
[00:14:16] Brent Kruithof: But yeah. Anything you'd add to that for culture?
[00:14:18] Katie Kruithof: All
[00:14:19] Brent Kruithof: right. We just started a new tradition.
[00:14:23] Katie Kruithof: I feel like there's an age limit.
[00:14:28] Michelle Tiderman: It's hard to follow that, but um, Okay, well building off of that in a little way is creating rhythms that anchor. So these rhythms are huge, living rhythmic rhythms. For us has just created a gravity to our family because the default pace of the world is gonna pull us apart every day.
[00:14:45] There's a reason for us to be apart. Um, and so we have to be intentional to create these rhythms that keep us connected and keep us, um, pulled back to the home. Not like we said to hunker down, but to be filled up and sent back out. So for us, this looks, um, some weekly rhythms.
[00:15:02] The first one is a weekly family dinner.
[00:15:04] And so we do every Saturday night, we do a special dinner where we, um, have a special meal and a candle and a special playlist. And we take this time to tell stories of our family line, to tell stories of God in our lives. Um, and then we end this time praying blessings over our kids. So this is a rhythm that we know no matter how hard we go throughout the week, how separated we might become based on the week, we have Saturday night where we come back and we rest and we connect and we're reminded of our stories and of who God is.
[00:15:34] Mark Tiderman: You should tell them about the back rub, too. That's the argument. So we end with blessings
[00:15:39] Michelle Tiderman: and back rubs. So you get a back rub while you get your blessings. So this is us years ago, praying over our boys. We pray over the boys, and then we pray over the girls. But you get a back rub while you get the blessing.
[00:15:48] But we had company over, and we said something about blessings and back rubs. And we got a look from one of them, like, I'm not sure I want that back rub. So that has, that's optional. But our kids love it. And then the kids pray over us. So we love the blessing and back rub too. Um, the next one is our team meeting.
[00:16:05] We have a weekly team meeting where we, um, share highs and lows, just connect on how people are doing. There's a lot you could do with this. We, we end up mostly focusing on the calendar, but we get on the same page of what's coming for the week. Um, making sure we all know what's happening. The team again, being proactive instead of reactive.
[00:16:24] And we feel it when we don't have it. This is vital to our family connection. A day of rest that looks different for a lot of people, but that makes us slow down. It's a commandment of God to rest and to know that our identity is not from our work. And so that is another way to keep us connected and Refreshed.
[00:16:44] And then a rhythm that we are not currently doing but have done in different seasons is one on ones where we make a schedule for the week of each person having a one on one time with someone else in the family and then we rotate through and we, you know, based on the age of your kids you can create places for them to do that or encourage different activities.
[00:17:03] But again, it's this building relationship keeping people connected to each other when a lot of the rest of the world feels separated. I would add this isn't on there, but the annual rhythms, uh, for us, the fall, biblical fall feasts are huge. And that is the Festival of Sakot specifically, which is what we did the last housecraft on, has become just, uh, an anchor to our year and something the kids look forward to and something that keeps us connected again to God's story and to our team.
[00:17:31] Katie Kruithof: so as I, uh, As I referenced before, I unfortunately wasn't here for the first part of the talk, but knowing Mark, I am sure he hit you with a ton of really good stuff. Um, but maybe you're listening to all this and you're thinking, okay, that sounds really lovely in theory, But, um, I'm already super overwhelmed with my day to day life.
[00:17:52] So how in the world do you expect me to fit this in? And I think that's a really valid question because you've probably gotten a grasp of that. Creating a strong family team actually does take a lot of time. And a lot of us already feel like we're just spread too thin and we have all these Buckets that we're trying to manage individually.
[00:18:11] So we have work and school and parenting and taking care of the home, extracurricular activities, faith, working out, whatever it is, and they all feel super fragmented. And so Bren and I realized early on, if we wanted to maximize family togetherness, we needed to start creating some overlap in these areas.
[00:18:31] So these are just really practical ways to do this. First, include the kids in the work you do. So this is cleaning, cooking, running errands, like all that stuff that just has to get done. Include your kids in that. And, um, not only is this going to build in some more fun, family together time.
[00:18:49] But when your kids actually feel like useful team members, it's going to build confidence and it's going to increase that sense of belonging to part of the team. Um, secondly, you can look for activities that are going to bring the family together rather than pulling them apart. And this can look a thousand different ways.
[00:19:08] So I'm just going to give a few examples to get your creative juices flowing. But for instance, if you're somebody who goes every morning to the gym to work out, maybe you could pick a couple days a week to do like a family workout with your kids, maybe your spouse, if they're interested. And, um, another example would be, Like if you're part of an individual ministry that takes you out of the home looking for opportunities to serve all together as a family.
[00:19:32] This is also something Bran and I do really frequently like if somebody invites one of us to coffee to like pick our brain about something we'll say what if instead like your whole family came over for dinner and we can talk about it there. And so these are just like small shifts that you can make to kind of turn this like individual activities to more like together activities.
[00:19:51] Um, I wanna, I, I don't know if this was addressed before, but it. Even if it was, I want to reiterate it, um, because we were introduced to the idea of family togetherness early and we prioritized it early on, we made some pretty radical choices with our family. Like, we quit our corporate jobs and we started a family business.
[00:20:08] We chose homeschool. But I want to make sure that everybody here feels like those are not required in order to have a strong family team. And I don't want anybody to feel discouraged if that's not the path they're currently on. One of the best pieces of advice I got as a new mom, Was Stuart well the moments you've been given and the idea behind that is just be intentional with the time you have.
[00:20:32] And so this can look a couple of different ways. First, you might want to look if there's a time of your day that you already all are together like for a significant chunk. A lot of it happens around mealtimes, like maybe you all get to eat breakfast together or dinner together. Just try to be really strategic in your conversations during that time.
[00:20:50] And then all those small little tiny snippets of time when you're in the car together, when you're doing your daughter's hair, like the bedtime routine, all those times that you are with one or more of your family members, you're just going to want to try to think of something small and meaningful. You can put on that thing that you're already doing.
[00:21:08] So in a couple of slides, we're going to talk about family stories. I know Michelle already touched on that and how that's a great tool. So you can just use that time to like, tell them a story of your family history or to do some of that, like, Speaking their strengths over them, their identity, just like reminding them, like, I saw you do this today, and that's so special about you, and like, really using those times to like, build into the family team when you're already gonna be with them.
[00:21:31] Michelle Tiderman: this is our version of integrate or do things together. Again, inviting your kids into work. The top picture is Mark and Isaac look so young now, um, uh, getting on the airplane to go do the filming job. Uh, the middle picture is when Mark took Marcos to Africa. Um, it was part mission trip and part, um, business.
[00:21:53] And so he took him at how old was he? 10. Um, and that was 12 flights
[00:21:58] Mark Tiderman: in 18 days. It was in 10. He wouldn't fly again in probably five years,
[00:22:02] Michelle Tiderman: though. So there's that, but it was memorable, and so Special for them to do together. And the last picture is this patio that we built, um, during COVID. We had COVID, we were sitting on our patio that we knew we wanted to redo.
[00:22:15] And we're like, Hey, we can't do anything. Let's just, um, take up all these bricks. So we started this project that we didn't know is going to take like six months because we did it all on our own. I may have
[00:22:26] Mark Tiderman: forgotten a few steps as you thought.
[00:22:29] Michelle Tiderman: Things take us a little longer, but we had our kids. There's Isaac.
[00:22:32] I don't know. He was, I guess, 10, carrying these 70 pound, um, pavers. So our kids were involved in every step of the process. It wasn't Mark working while the kids all played and watched. They were in it. And so many lessons were learned and now that patio has hosted so many people and gatherings and there's this collective sense of we did this and we struggled through it a lot, we cried, I cried, uh, is this ever actually going to be finished?
[00:22:58] But now it's this beautiful hosting place that was a true, true team effort. And they
[00:23:02] Mark Tiderman: each had actual giftings that like they would spot things. That had they not been there, it would have been much worse. Yeah,
[00:23:09] Michelle Tiderman: it literally took the team. Um, and the last one is show up for each other. And this can look like, in whatever activities your kids are in, be there as a team.
[00:23:17] I know our son, um, part of our family mission, our mission, we feel very called to our community of Fairfield. And part of the mission has been the Fairfield football team. And so, At a game, Marcos is on the field. Isaac's taking pictures on the side. I'm making, or helping serve the meals before. Mark has trained Isaac in the photography to be able to do the team photos.
[00:23:37] Mark's done the scoreboard and the announcing. So we try to come around each other's things that are important to them and to be each other's biggest fans.
[00:23:45] Katie Kruithof: I love the idea of remembrance when it comes to family teams, and it is really such a powerful tool.
[00:23:52] Your family history should be recorded and remembered. You especially want to document and pass on family legacies, family wins, or times when God just really showed up and provided for you guys. These are not only going to create a strong shared family identity, but they're going to build each individual family member's faith and trust.
[00:24:14] So we see over and over again in the Bible that if stories are forgotten, God's people lose faith. And there's like so many examples of that happening with the Israelites. But we do it too, and we know that. And so, um, if you could flip to the next one. This is a whole chapter kind of around this theme, but I just pulled out a couple verses worth a read to read them all.
[00:24:37] But, um This verse says, I will teach hidden lessons from our past, stories we have heard and known, stories our ancestors handed down to us. We will not hide these truths from our children. We will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord, about His power and His mighty wonders. He commanded our an ancestors to teach his instructions to their children, and they in turn will teach their own children.
[00:25:03] Then each generation will put their trust in God and not forget his deeds, but keep his commands. So there are actually a lot of ways to do this, um, and some are super easy and simple. I don't know if your kids are like mine, but they are constantly asking, like, tell us a story. And. Usually I make up something wild and crazy and ridiculous, but what would be better is if I was like, Okay, let me tell you a real story about something that happened when I was a kid or something that you might not remember from our family history.
[00:25:33] If you want a next level way to do this, and you have so much time on your hands, one thing we did earlier, and we've kind of, um, taken a break from because life got really busy, is when my kids were little, we made these, um, photobooks, and they're just simple photobooks, but I made one for each, thank you Michelle, um, for times where it was like, God just showed up in such a big way for our family personally, and I want my kids to remember that, so what this looks like is, um, I'm sure I used Shutterfly or something, but I just wrote it out in really kid friendly language and put some pictures on there, so it reads like a children's book.
[00:26:08] And then the last page I had Brent write out, like, the true, like, I mean, all of it's the true story, but he wrote down, like, the detailed part with, like, dates and actual numbers and stuff, because I wanted all that to really be documented as something that our kids, as they get older, can, like, be like, oh, wow, that's, that's really a big deal.
[00:26:24] And so, um. The two books I brought, one was about Brent's eye surgery and one was about a time when we had to downsize and we really needed God to show up to be able to afford another house. So if you would flip back, yeah, perfect. So yeah, this book is about that time where we got that foreclosed house that I'm standing in front of and then this other picture is a Another example of the kind of story you want to pass on to your kids because it's faith building.
[00:26:50] And I'm actually going to let Brent go ahead and tell that story.
[00:26:54] Brent Kruithof: Yeah. All right. So you might not be able to see this, but, um, we, this was back in 2017. I was filing our taxes and, um, This is a time when we had started a couple businesses. We had just downsized and money was really tight. Um, and so We had this four thousand eight hundred and twenty six dollar tax Payment that I had to made and I was like stressing over it and I was like, ah I was those Israelites who forgot God's provision in the past and I was like, how is he gonna provide and as I'm literally sitting here Katie says, Oh, hey, we just got a big Etsy deposit.
[00:27:26] Like the biggest we've ever had. We were running a sale this week and it was like, uh, it was our anniversary. So it was our one year anniversary sale of, of this business. And she was like, this is the biggest Etsy deposit we've ever gotten. And I said, well, how much was it? And it was 4, 825 and 99 cents. So literally one penny less.
[00:27:43] Than I owed. Um, and this is a story, this is a picture I keep on my phone and I show it to my kids all the time. Even as we were preparing for this, I was like, Hey guys, let me show you this picture. Have I ever told you about this? And they're like, yes, dad, we know. And then, and then I always say, and then I put my hand in the couch and I pulled out a penny.
[00:27:58] So everything was Coach . That wasn't true. But that's like part of the folklore, the story that they Yeah. And they're tell their skin that it'll
[00:28:04] Katie Kruithof: become true, that it went down .
[00:28:06] Brent Kruithof: But this is just something that we all never wanna forget. And, and yeah, we never wanna forget, God's goodness. Good.
[00:28:11] Michelle Tiderman: All right, tip eight is to be the loudest voice. There are a million voices in the world telling your kids, you, your family, who you should be, who they are based on what they do, how they perform on a sports field, what their peers think of them, what they look like, and we want to be the loudest voice. If you think of a coach, The coach's voice holds the most weight.
[00:28:33] Um, I served these meals to the Fairfield football team and the coach would just come in this, all the kids are in there and the coach would come in and say in the quietest voice, be quiet. And they were just silent, like his voice carried weight. And so as the coaches of our family, we want our voice to carry the most weight, to be louder, not in volume, but in strength than all the voices in our kids lives.
[00:28:53] So we want to speak loudly again, not actually loudly, but often. And clearly about their identity. And so anyway, this kind of goes back to affirming their roles and strengths, but also more than that, who they are as a son or daughter of the king and as a son or daughter on your team. So that they feel so built up when they go out to the world and they hear those voices, they have a firm foundation and an assured truth of who they are.
[00:29:17] So they're not way, they can't be shaken by those voices of the world. Um, and so, So this picture was actually on a trip to Mexico city where Mark and I met last December, we took our kids back to show them this is where our family started. And so this trip was a huge part of their identity. Um, so sometimes you go to the extreme to, but also it can be just the bedtime reminders, the mealtime reminders, the driving in the car reminders that they are loved and that they, um, their identity comes not from what they do or who people say they are, but from who God says they are and who they are on your team.
[00:29:52] Katie Kruithof: Can I add just one thing about that? Um, in addition to their individual identity, reclaiming family identity and that narrative, like, I'm amazed how many, and well intentioned strangers just feel the need to make a comment to you, like, when they see you come into a place with all your kids, and that voice can sound really loud to kids, like, if they keep hearing, oh, four kids, you're crazy to have four kids, or three kids.
[00:30:17] Gosh, I can barely handle my one like that's a narrative that they're going to start to believe about families about like, uh, you're too much or whatnot. And so I'm not a confrontational person. So this is really hard for me. But when I my inclination is to not be like, but like, I realize I need to, like, be countering that.
[00:30:37] Like, when my kids hear a stranger say something about, um, how many kids we have, or just wait until they're teenagers is one that you hear a ton. I want to speak truth over that and be like, no, I'm so glad for each one. Like, they really add to my family. I can't imagine life without any of them. Or like, I'm, they're all such a blessing, or whatever you want to say.
[00:30:57] or being like, oh, no, I the teenage years. We're lot of fun with it. But l to take those opportuniti um, some of those other v
[00:31:09] Brent Kruithof: Alright, so tip number nine is be a doer, and, uh, I'm gonna specifically speak to the men in this room. Um, we are like, we're the head coach of the family team, and that's not to minimize the other roles of the family, that's really to, Call up fathers and challenge you to take the lead, to take charge, to take action.
[00:31:31] I am pretty confident that everybody here had some kind of idea that they heard tonight that maybe inspired them, or maybe they thought, oh, maybe we could do better at that. And what we don't want is for you guys to go home and be like, that was a nice night. There was some interesting ideas and then fall back into the same routine.
[00:31:47] We would love to see you guys take even just a couple ideas and say, hey, we're going to implement this. We're going to. We're going to take a step. It's easy to be inspired sitting here. It's, it's going to be a lot harder to then go home and start a new habit. But that is the goal. Uh, this is one of my favorite verses, James 1, 22.
[00:32:04] Don't just listen to God's word. You've got to do what it says. Otherwise, we're just fooling ourselves. And so as the Holy Spirit, maybe have put, has put something on your heart. I hope that you guys can be a doer. Um, And then start small. Um, like you can start really small. One of the things we love doing in our family is puzzles.
[00:32:20] And it's such a tangible example of working together as a team. You dump the 500 pieces out on the table and you make order out of chaos and it's like, Hey, I'm collecting the border pieces, I'm working on this tree, I'm working on the sky, and we're all like sorting and working together as a team. And, uh, Even if you just do one of those with your kids this, you know, this week, and you talk about, Hey guys, we're better together as a team.
[00:32:44] This is, this would take a lot longer by myself, you know? And then we always have a tradition in our house, the last piece, nobody's allowed to put that in by themselves. We all put our
[00:32:52] Katie Kruithof: have to have contributed. Yeah, if you haven't
[00:32:55] Brent Kruithof: put a piece in, you don't get to participate, but otherwise you put, you put your finger on, which makes everyone want to participate.
[00:33:02] You put your finger on the puzzle and you kind of all slide it into place together. Um, uh, or, you know, take any, you know, maybe you play a cooperative game like pandemic or something where you're working together against the Um, you know, to beat the game, like, whatever it may be, take a small step and use that as an opportunity to talk team language and kind of create a shift, um, in, in your household.
[00:33:26] This, this way. You know those
[00:33:27] Mark Tiderman: Peaceable Kingdom games? You're, like, we're, it's a board game, but you, you win together. You're not against, so, I mean, so much in our culture teaches us that we're against all the other people that we're playing with, and so.
[00:33:39] Michelle Tiderman: Okay, Mark is going to close us out with number 10, but before that, I meant to say something earlier.
[00:33:44] I just want to say all of this takes, um, intentionality with what we say yes to and what we say no to. Creating space for some of these rhythms means saying no to things. And, um, And we have said no to a lot of things that were actually really hard to say no to, but those rhythms have set us up to be stronger to say yes to other things.
[00:34:03] So, I think our default culture is yes to everything, yes to every sport, yes to every activity. And so we have had to be very intentional with who does what and what we do as a family. Um, so it's hard, but we have to be willing to say no.
[00:34:16] Mark Tiderman: And I, I feel like we are in a new season where we have to say no again.
[00:34:20] We kind of, we're feeling pretty stretched thin and like, it's like a, it's like a recalibration. I feel like it's a con. We had the opportunity to actually implement this framework during COVID. So like everything was shut down. So we had to be a family team, you know, like around, we weren't allowed to go anywhere else.
[00:34:39] And so we had to, but so all, now we're, I think we're feeling that, that pressure of, uh, resetting. Threw this in one, this for, in for you, Keith. So, uh, tip number ten, mechanics, consistency, then intensity. And it's gonna be, in the CrossFit world, this is a methodology that says, do it right one time. And slowly get to the point where you focus just on doing it right.
[00:35:07] That one time, don't worry about how much weight it is or how fast you're doing it. Do it slow with almost no weight, but do it right. That's the mechanics. Get the mechanics down. Then consistency, start building, do it in sequence. Try to get two in a row, three in a row, four in a row. And then you build in the intensity.
[00:35:24] And this is goes off with the last point that Brent and Michelle just made. It's like, it's going to feel some pressure to be like, got to go do all of this stuff, but just go home and do one thing. But do it right. And do it consistently. And then start adding either more items or a little bit more intensity.
[00:35:42] You know, whenever, when you're adopting What's that? There's actual points here? Good. Alright. There you go. Thanks. It's not good for a man to be alone. Okay, so the first point. Start calling yourself team. I want you to look at each other right now. What's your team name? We're Team Tidermen. So I want to hear you say it real loud.
[00:36:01] Come on. That's good. And use that voice one more time. Even louder. That's right. And so That's our first challenge. Go home and start doing that around the house. Find ways to do it. We literally shifted so much. We started doing it. We got TeamTiterman. com. We got Team, Team Titerman everything. It's like, it's slowly, we, like we, we told our oldest, his job is to design the tattoo.
[00:36:26] We're getting a team tattoo, you know?
[00:36:32] Wouldn't you like to know? Bring a child on That was not inappropriate. Why do you have to I didn't take it there. Okay, number two. Continue. Bring a child on an errand this week. All right. Easy. Just like what you guys What they're saying. Just find a way to Bring them with you. Do something together. Shift one thing, one workout, one errand, one task, that you normally would do on your own.
[00:36:55] So kind of say no to going solo. Set aside one dinner this week. Pick it any night, but do one. There's so many statistics about this already, just in general in our society, that families that eat meals together are going to be stronger. But we're saying, not only that, just sit down and tell a story. Tell one story.
[00:37:19] And even end with a blessing. It doesn't have to be a long, it could be a five second blessing. I bless you. And if you don't know really what a blessing is, it's just literally you using your words to partner with God, to speak life over that child or, and so you have tremendous power. And so you literally just speak the things that you feel like, I just pray strength.
[00:37:41] I pray that my child would be strong emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, or I pray for that they would be fruitful, that they would, whatever they put their hands to, they'd be able to create value, but just pray over them in any way and then have, or have a team meeting or you share just simply just highs and lows.
[00:38:00] And talk about what's coming in the next week. You want to be one full season ahead of where you are. So if you're like, we don't, we don't even have any kids. Then you're actually in the perfect time to be planning for your family team. Because you're building a foundation. You know, or you might say, we've only got little kids.
[00:38:17] Our kids don't contribute to the calendar conversation. They don't really, they're like, well, then this is actually the perfect time to start building the rhythm. Cause they're not going to interrupt the meeting as much or will they actually might with other reasons, but all of these things, you want to be one step, one season ahead than what you feel like you should be doing.
[00:38:36] Uh, look for a way to serve together, find a way to just get your hands dirty together. It really does. When you shift that focus from self. To serving and being else, focusing that attention elsewhere. It's significant. So, and you're ultimately asking the question, ask the question, how can our family bring God's blessing and goodness into the world?
[00:38:59] Uh, I guess I'm, I can end with this. I'm actually going to skip the bamboo tree and go into this one. Yeah, that's the story that my kids roll their eyes to, but they will at least know that the bamboo tree bonus points. Fame Bay wants it later. I'll give it to you. All right. So there was a story about two farmers.
[00:39:18] They lived on both sides of the road. Farmer, Farmer Bob. And he was building a fence. Farmer John was also building a fence. Farmer Bob went out and hired the best crew. They got the best materials. Spent all the money, all the resources, brought it in. And he was on budget, on time, all the good stuff. Farmer John's over here.
[00:39:43] He hired his kids. Brought his kids in. And he brought his kids in to make the decisions, help him make the decisions, choose which materials to buy, the process. Needless to say, he wasn't on budget or on time. He was way behind and he was struggling with all kinds of issues in the project. Farmer Bob looked across the road to him one day and just said, Hey!
[00:40:07] What's taking you so long? Farmer John responds, and he says, That's okay. You and I are building two different things. You're building a fence, and I'm building sons and daughters. So, you feel right now, like you're probably building, you gotta build this team. And yes you do, you're building the team, you probably feel like you gotta build a company, or you're building your house, or what other projects are here.
[00:40:37] The whole time though, you're You are inviting your kids in and you're building them as you do these projects, whatever it is. But the best part is God's building you as you build the family team. So, This might not be as efficient as you want it to be. And it might not be as effective as you want it to be.
[00:40:57] But the end goal is not, it's probably not what you're thinking. God at work, way behind the scenes and doing stuff that, you know, He's, He's building multi generational family teams on missions, so. we have time for the Q& A?
[00:41:12] Question 1: I think you got a little time. Yeah.
[00:41:15] Mark Tiderman: Alright,
[00:41:15] Question 1: so
[00:41:17] Brent Kruithof: Alright, there. Any questions in
[00:41:19] Mark Tiderman: this yeah, we're gonna jump in I got it. There's already a couple of questions there I will just ask a couple of these here. Go ahead start with this first one
[00:41:28] Brent Kruithof: All right. First question. How do you go about determining what your family's?
[00:41:32] multi generational family vision actually is That's a great question And I don't know if this is worth kind of, kind of figuring out the distinction between a vision and a mission. Your vision is kind of when you close your eyes and you look ahead and you're like, where do I picture our family in 5, 10, 20 years?
[00:41:51] And like, that is a fun activity to kind of picture, what is the vision for our family? Where do we want to go? And then a mission is kind of like, what did God put on our family to do? Um, and, And both of these are very personal. They're very unique to you. There's definitely going to be some things. We're all, uh, as, as people of faith, we're called to go out and make disciples.
[00:42:12] That's, um, important, but it's also something that's definitely going to take a while to pray over, to talk with your wife over. You strategize. This definitely should be something that's spirit led. Um, so I think as we've kind of wrestled through both of those things, the vision, Um, it has been something that's taken some time.
[00:42:33] It's taken a lot of prayer, and it's taken a lot of nights. We put the kids to sleep, we sit down on the porch in the rocking chairs, and we just start penciling, uh, out some ideas.
[00:42:41] Katie Kruithof: The only other, oh gosh, no, I, I didn't want a new question. Uh, we had a lot of great first steps, but how do you work with your spouse to choose the next thing and the next thing?
[00:42:54] That's a really good question. Um. Okay, so I think if it was me and I was looking at it I'd look at an area at a time and kind of build off of that so like take a first step Pick one area whether it's like okay. Let's let's not try to do Weekly rhythms, monthly rhythms, daily rhythms, family photo books, and um, all the things all at once, but like, let's try to like, focus on what does it look like to just start with the rhythms, or just start with the mission statement, and kind of
[00:43:26] Brent Kruithof: Or where's the pain point, you know?
[00:43:28] Like, what's the most urgent That's a good point too. Like the EOS issue solving
[00:43:32] Katie Kruithof: Yeah. And definitely like that family mission statement is such a great place to start because it's, it's a guiding post then like for other decisions. And so, um, once you figure out like what your family's top mission is, then you can be like using everything else to filter through that mission statement, including the things that you put on your calendar, like, which I talked about before, like we can feel so fragmented.
[00:43:53] And so if you can start with that family mission statement and then pick those categories underneath, like, how do we really like bring this to life for our kids? Um, to me that feels like how you determine what the next steps are after the, after the first step. Anything to add?
[00:44:07] Michelle Tiderman: Okay, how do you stop the chaos of all the activities? Even if we limit to just one thing per kid, we're already capped. And I think we might have different perspectives of how this has played out. Um, for us, we limit the, not every kid can do something every season.
[00:44:23] Like we limit per season how many kids are in things so that we are not in, because we did one season of four different places, um, and we, the next winter, just got perfect north passes and went skiing together instead of doing anything because we were so maxed by that. So now we just say no to certain things and say yes to certain things in order to, we are intentional with how we plan.
[00:44:47] Mark Tiderman: This is actually a really painful conversation to have, like our daughter Mercy is telling us last night how she really wants to continue gymnastics and presenting a huge case and so you have to actually, it's a form of training, like we're trying to help her see that actually we are have to make decisions based on the needs of the larger team.
[00:45:05] it's actually going to be just hard to do to tell a But but knowing
[00:45:12] Michelle Tiderman: that she So we also consider your we're considering all of times. And I know your fa
[00:45:19] Katie Kruithof: Yeah, the only other thing that I think is really cool that you can add to this is when you stop looking at activities as things that are taking you away from your family mission and you start looking at them as opportunities to do your family mission and so that can help it feel less chaotic even if it's still busy it doesn't feel as fragmented or like taking you away from the family team but you start looking at it as like okay if our family mission is to make heaven more to make earth more like heaven how can we do that through gymnast tangible ways, let's talk about with our kids, like that we can love on the other parents that you guys can encourage each other on your team.
[00:45:56] And so that kind of helps, even when there's a lot going on for to still feel unifying and team building.
[00:46:03] Mark Tiderman: Well, and that's a big part of this is the innovation mindset. So like, like in the startup world, you know, it's like, you have this question, how might we How might you, it's like a brainstorming question and that's, you can bring in your best skills to be able to like, we need to solve this.
[00:46:17] We need to innovate. How might we do this? And, you know, it might be combining two things or, you know, or might be creating something new, but.
[00:46:25] Michelle Tiderman: Yeah, we try to use our activities as missional opportunities, like Katie was saying, um, and I know the Freudenbergs do, um, family kickball.
[00:46:33] awesome. Okay, we have a family kickball inventor here, so that would be an awesome resource too.
[00:46:39] That's been an awesome way to unite families and activity also.
[00:46:45] Mark Tiderman: This is a good one. I'll ask it, you answer it. How are some tips, or next steps for couples, what are some tips and next steps for couples who are yet to have kids and want to take on this framework?
[00:46:58] Brent Kruithof: Yeah, well first of all, it's never too early to start thinking of this.
[00:47:01] I think, um, it's It's definitely, when we started before having kids, it was a great time to start. Katie was pregnant and we were like, okay, what do we imagine family to be like? What do we, that's when we start getting that vision. What do we want for our family to be? And um, so when you, before you have kids, really, Really set that vision, kind of picture, okay, what do we want our family to be?
[00:47:24] Invite God into that conversation, and talk about it as a family, and then, it's never too early to start doing, like, little, uh, twi uh, like, tinkering with family habits and rhythms. So for instance, We started our first family Bible study night when our, when our oldest was one year old. And he would sit there on the rug, and we would have a Bible open, and we'd ask him questions, and he would just be like, I don't know.
[00:47:47] Katie Kruithof: We gave him candy. Yeah, yeah.
[00:47:50] Brent Kruithof: And it was super, super simple. But we never wanted this, like, I remember as a, as a kid, like, This awkward conversation of all right kids now We're gonna have a family Bible study and it would happen for a little while and then it wouldn't and and we just never Wanted our kids to remember a time when we didn't talk about scripture, you know So it's never too early to start those things, especially, you know, some of those biblical holidays that we celebrated Some of those are weird when you first start out, and they're really awkward.
[00:48:16] So get the awkward years out of the way before they can remember it. You know, the earlier you start it, the better. And then once they're five, six, seven, and their memories have developed, you've kind of got it mastered by then.
[00:48:25] Katie Kruithof: Or things like a team meeting. Like start doing that just with you and your husband, and then as your kids get old enough to like join into it, like it's already a rhythm that's in set in place.
[00:48:35] Mark Tiderman: You want to end with this one?
[00:48:36] Michelle Tiderman: As your kids could Older, how do you continue to increase buy in with the family vision and mission? Well, I don't really have a great answer for that. No, we're in the older years and it does get tricky and I feel like that's why establishing those rhythms that have a gravity to the home and to the family are so important.
[00:48:55] Because when those are established, there's just this constant coming back. There's these constant touch points. There's the constant knowing how our family operates. So. It is easier when you start early. We started later and it took some work and it still takes work in some ways, um, with particular children.
[00:49:12] And, um, but I, I feel like the heart of it is to know where you're going and to keep going. taking steps to getting there, um, to have people who can speak into that, to keep just sticking to your vision and finding ways to, I think building connection and keeping connection is foundational because the more your kids are connected to you, the more they're going to be trusting in the vision and where you're going.
[00:49:39] Mark Tiderman: And yeah, I mean, we're walking this out now and I think that, so we, our oldest is 17 and he's, You know, it's just, his heart's been good, but his heart's not always been on board. Definitely. And so I'm realizing that I just need to give him more ownership instead of just trying to sell him something.
[00:49:58] That's my vision. Hence the tattoo idea. Hence, like he tells me a lot of times I'm not fun enough. I don't have enough fun. I'm way too intentional. And so like I gave him a fun budget. Like, I'm like, now I'm like, here, you've got a hundred bucks to spend over the next month making our family meetings more fun.
[00:50:15] What are you going to do? You know, it's up to you now. And so he still hasn't done anything. So maybe I need to go 200 bucks. I don't know. But I'm trying, I'm realizing that I can't just be forcing my vision on him. If this is a shared family team and he's the next generation. I've got to give him more space to take more ownership in this and actually have more of his personality or, and all the kids, you know, just give.
[00:50:38] And I think that's general engagement here. Again, if you're, if you're work at a team at work, you know, about engagement and buy in. This is the top, one of the top questions of how to teams build better buy in with their, their leaders and their people. So it's a classic challenge, but all the things that apply at work.
[00:50:57] Will apply at home, because you're dealing with people, Okay, please.
[00:51:00] Question 1: Alright, so I'm trying to think of like, so I was in the corporate world.
[00:51:04] I left the corporate world because I didn't like the corporate world. Let's say like, all your kids don't like the corporate world, but it made them make it. You know, if you're a K team that has some struggles, um, that try to accept taking on this mission, like, do you ever worry that they'll be pushed away for good?
[00:51:23] Hopefully, in the two weeks from now.
[00:51:24] Michelle Tiderman: We've had that conversation, and I think that's, we've come back to connection with our kids is more important than, um, any program. Any, like, if your kid, if you can keep connected to your kid, you have your kid's heart, right? So, their heart to us is more important than the weekly family dinner.
[00:51:47] If their heart's not in that, we want to at least make sure we still have their heart relationally. So Like Mark is saying, less forcing, more inviting. Um, again, I think when you start early and these are just the rhythms of your family, it's a lot easier. Um, but really keeping the heart connection.
[00:52:03] Mark Tiderman: You talk a lot about it.
[00:52:05] Oh
[00:52:05] Michelle Tiderman: yeah. And just keeping a curious perspective of why they're maybe struggling with something or not enjoying something instead of this, like, this is just how we do it, but really, um, being open to curious conversation.
[00:52:20] Brent Kruithof: Yeah, I think I would add too, like, so there's kind of two options that you could have to that for Fear really is what that is and you could either say, okay, they might not buy into the mission So let's just not set one and then you're gonna you know Kind of lose them probably nine times out of ten or you can be like, hey, it's worth the risk We're gonna set a mission and we're gonna go for it.
[00:52:39] And and yeah, there's a chance Maybe maybe it's one out of ten then that they're gonna not be on board and not be behind the mission But it's it's worth the risk to go for it and hope that they catch the vision over time as you live it out And build all of this family identity into them.
[00:52:55] Katie Kruithof: I think just being intentional about the fun factor, kind of like you said too, like, there's hopefully going to be, like, you got to be intentional about the serious stuff, the passing down the faith and the legacies and these kind of things.
[00:53:07] But you want to be intentional about, when you said, like, creating a really warm culture in your home, like, it should be, like, they can see the benefits of this and they enjoy it. Like, there should be enough things that you are Putting thought behind to make this, it doesn't have to be like a fun entertainment kind of experience, but things that it's like, this is like meeting needs for them.
[00:53:27] And this is something that they are enjoying and looking forward to. And like, if, if you start to notice, like it's becoming more serious than not, like you need to strategize with your spouse about like, how can we make this something that it's like, we're going to get more buy in because they genuinely love the things that we're doing.
